While I was taking a shower the other day, I started thinking about my childhood and realized that, as a toddler, I was technically sexually abused. So I obviously used “technically” for a reason, that being that statement would be from a sex-negative (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex-negativity) point of view. Personally, I’m sex-positive and see what happened as an (admittedly very early) exploration of my sexuality. Here’s what I’m talking about:

Very early on, I discovered how to masturbate (not in the hand-on-penis sort of way, but the humping-of-objects sort of way), but naturally, as a pre-preschooler, I had no concept of what I was actually doing, I just knew it felt really good. Also as a pre-preschooler, I wasn’t very good at hiding things from my parents, and they found out what I was doing. Of course they tried to (unsuccessfully) stop me, but aside from that, my mom told her family about what I was doing since they’re all very close and tell each other everything. At the time, one of my uncles would babysit us during the day while my parents were at work. Now, my uncle is rather “pervy” (always objectifying women, essentially teaching both my brother and I, two toddlers, how to do that as well - telling us to say “Wow, wow, wow!” whenever we saw a hot woman), and he wanted to know what I was doing physically since he knew what I was doing conceptually. Initially, I was uncomfortable showing him as a result of my parents telling me what I was doing was, in some way, not appropriate, so (I believe this is what I did) I told him that I didn’t want to because the stuffed toy that I used was in my room and we were in the guest room watching TV. I’m not sure how my uncle went about this, but he suggested (encouraged?) me to use himself as my object, specifically, he laid on his stomach and allowed me to use his (clothed) butt. Out of my own curiosity, I wanted to see how he would feel compared to stuffed toys, so I decided to do it. I ended up enjoying the different sensation, so this became a regular thing for me to do (I choose to say “for me to do” because I would be the one to initiate). This eventually tapered off in occurrence as (to put it in a highly opinionated way) society’s sex-negative stance was integrated into my subconscious (which I think happened by the end of preschool).

So one way of looking at what happened is that it was inappropriate for my uncle to encourage that act from a sexually precocious toddler, which in itself is inappropriate. However, I feel that to see it in that way would be a narrow minded oversimplification of the events. Why is it inappropriate for a child to explore their own sexuality, particularly if that exploration is initiated through the child’s own curiosity? And (I realize how sounds) what’s wrong with an adult facilitating those discoveries/pleasures if the child were the one to prompt it? While the latter isn’t quite what happened in my instance, my inquiry is still valid. I know there’s a lot left still to discuss, particularly in reference to the last few remarks, however, I’ll leave those to a follow up post since it’s taken me much to long to finally finish this one :P

To my penis:

I’m sorry for saying no last night. I know how lonely you’ve been and how any attention at all would have been great for you, even if that attention turned out to be only vicarious and through my lips, but no real good would have come out of that hookup. We both know that a relationship would be much better since you’ll get a lot more attention that way, so just hold out until then, k buddy?

Simon

So, I guess for my first post I can address my tumblr’s title. As a background, I’m an LGBT Studies minor, although that doesn’t necessarily background my thinking over this matter. I could get all long-winded and discuss my title’s relation to heteronormativity and the gender binary and (insert more jargon here), but those could (and undoubtedly, will) serve as their own posts later on, so suffice it to say that I’m using it ironically. And I also didn’t think of it myself. I’m pretty sure I heard some comedian on Comedy Central Presents… say something to that effect and it made me chuckle, and it’s pretty suited to what I’ll be posting since a good majority will probably be journal-like entries or queer analysis. So with that, let this tumblr be christened and hopefully I’ll post regularly!